Time

Tick tock...tick tock...
Life is counting down on your internal clock.

Memories that feel as if they occurred yesterday
turn to flashes of moments that seem to fade away.

People you once knew
walk by without a clue.

The times you once shared
exist as if you were never there.

Years fly...friends die...
and you never know when you'll say your last goodbye.

Oh, how I wish I could turn back time,
spend it with loved ones and cherish what once was mine.

Or to go back even more,
being a kid in a candy store.

How I miss the way I used to feel
on Christmas day when Santa was real.

But back to reality...back to today,
family is scarce and memories continue to fade away.

Tick tock...tick tock...
How I wish I could control this clock.

Encourage The Encourager

I remember brother J today. Everyone knew him in the church we attended many years ago. He was an encourager.

If he knew of someone with a need, he wouldn't rest until he met it or until he got someone who could.

He wasn't a pastor, but most people thought he was. He visited. He counseled. He prayed for people.

No one could miss church two weeks in a row without having brother J visit him.

He was one smiling, energetic brother who was always smiling and available. He didn't seem to have a care in the world.

As busy as he always was in helping people, I never heard him complain about anyone. I had seen him respond to the most abrasive insults with good natured jokes and sweet laughter.

I returned from a trip and noticed that brother J wasn't in church. I asked some of his 'friends' why, and they couldn't give me a definite answer.

One said maybe he had traveled to see his family. Another said maybe he was busy doing something important. All I got was maybes, and more maybes from his 'besties.'

I asked some guys who had been helped by brother J, and they couldn't tell me anything useful. Even those in leadership couldn't tell me anything important.

During the week, I decided to look for brother J. It took me two days to find his house. I was terribly shocked. This gracious brother was living in the most inhospitable condition.

A boy showed me his room, the room he used to live in.

Brother J had died four months earlier.

None of his brethren was aware. Not even those he helped.

This gracious brother had fallen on hard times in the past eighteen months and had lost so much. This made him to move to this terrible neighborhood of gangs, living in unsanitary conditions.

He had been asthmatic, but his trials and living conditions seemed to aggravate his ill health.

Brother J was sick, and was in his room for a week. He died in that room.

The boy that took me to his room told me brother J sent him to one of the brothers in his church group at the height of his sickness. That one said he would tell the others. My investigation revealed that he told a couple of people and they all agreed to visit him sometime. They never did.

His neighbors took his body to the morgue and did what they could to find his extended family members.

Brother J had been quietly forgotten by the people he loved.

I cried.

Brethren, don't ever think that the people around you who seem to be very strong don't need encouragement.

The brethren who neglected brother J were probably good people who took his strength for granted. You know that smooth presumption that makes you think, "I know it's too late and daddy should be home by now, but I am sure he can take care of himself. Let's go to sleep."

They believed brother J was usually fine, and would be fine this time, too.

Encouragers need encouragement. To encourage you, they sometimes have to ignore their own troubles, which may be much bigger than yours.

You may think they are very rich, but they may have issues in their lives that money cannot handle.

You may think they are always happy, but they are only smiling for you. They may be trying to lift you up while they are down.

Those who are strong for others sometimes need someone to be strong for them.

The people you go to when you feel like giving up on life... when you are neck deep in financial or marital challenges, who leave everything to spend hours with you on the phone, pray with you, visit you and nurse your battered confidence back to health...

Your mother, father, brother or pastor may be the strongest person you have ever known. What they have shielded you from hit them hard, and left some marks on them.

You don't know about these because they chose not to tell you.

Sometimes the little errors they commit are due to the pressures on them. You sometimes judge them too harshly because you haven't been where they have been.

I call on you today to encourage your encouragers.

Call them and thank them. Tell them how much you appreciate them. Tell them you have not taken them for granted, and then pray for them.

Some of us are alive today because of those who left their challenges to attend to our troubles.

Do not abandon your brother J. He is probably battling a giant right now that a word from you can help him defeat. Letting him know you care for him may be all he or she needs to hear.

Don't be offended if he seems to have withdrawn from you. He is probably hiding his challenges from you, not wanting to burden you with his troubles.

Encourage your encourager.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow never comes
Today is always yesterday
Time is forever on the run
Becoming lost; Wasting away

Surrounded by the void
But darkness not why I am rattled
From this question, can't avoid
Do I belong amongst the shadows?

Back and forward I will peer
While staying blind to what's ahead
I am engulfed and filled with fear
Unsure what's real or in my head

Steps

My steps are just attempts
to stow away
on the sails, on future's mast

as I walk away,
leaving behind the trail
of my unsuccessful past..

You..

You..

You are one of those people
who so effortlessly slip
into my unsuspecting life

You are one of those people
That can go unnoticed at first
later only to have one wonder
How?

How did you remain effortlessly
in my mind?
how could I ever not notice you?
and now you are in my heart.

How did I not see this happening,
so quickly,
so slowly,
so certain,
so tedious,
so naturally
so irrationally,

How did all this happen,
for you graduated
from the normal person i used to see

you morphed so gradually,
so subtly,
so beautifully.

And now my eyes sees a different person
and I love it.

MY LOVE FOR YOU

I pray and hope that my love for you remains forever,
at the moment it's powerful and deep
through the storms and heavy winds
For now, it will withstand every pain
for our hearts are so pure and sweet
I love you, now and hope to love you forever.

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

            There are two days in every week about which we should not worry.
            Two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

            One of these days is yesterday with its mistakes and cares,
            Its faults and blunders, Its aches and pains.
            Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.
            All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday.
            We cannot undo a single act we performed.
            We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.
        
            The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow.
            With its possible adversities, Its burdens,
            Its large promise and poor performance.
            Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.
            Tomorrow's Sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds,
            but it will rise.
            Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.
            This just leaves only one day . . . Today.
            Any person can fight the battles of just one day.
            It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternity's -
            yesterday and tomorrow that we break down.
            It is not the experience of today that drives people mad.
            It is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday
            and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.

            Let us therefore live but one day at a time.
           

Visitors on Earth

Our Fate On Planet Earth
Some are here to Suffer
Some are here to Mislead and Deceive
Some are here to be Followers
Some are here to be great Leaders
Some are here to be Slaves of others
Some are here to achieve greater things and live a Legacy
Some are here to Destroy Nature
Some are here to Complain about Life and Everything
Some are here to Strive, Persevere, Trust in their Own Abilities till they Succeed

Some are here on Accompanying others on the road to Success but they don"t make it because its not their Destiny to reach and so they divert along the way
Some are here to get Jealous of those who do good, wish them evil and make sure that they never Succeed
Some are Privileged and here to mess up every Opportunity they get
Some are like Ticks here to live on Blood of others and stumble on others to get to the top but they don’t last
Some are just here just to increase the number of People who ever lived in this Era and Die.

So Which One Is You?

Acknowledge the fact that in this world we are all visitors, choose the right path from the start and remember you can be any of the mentioned Above it Depends with You.

Hold on

Hold on to what is good,
Even if it's a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe,
Even if it's a tree that stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do,
Even if it's a long way from here.
Hold on to your life,
Even if it's easier to let go.
Hold on to my hand,
Even if someday I'll be gone away from you.

"Hold On," A Pueblo Indian Prayer

softness of the air

The beauty of the trees,
the softness of the air,
the fragrance of the grass,
speaks to me.

The summit of the mountain,
the thunder of the sky,
the rhythm of the sea,
speaks to me.

The strength of the fire,
the taste of salmon,
the trail of the sun,
and the life that never goes away,
they speak to me.
And my heart soars."

The only piece of dating advice you need

There's so much dating advice out there for women. We are inundated by it from dating experts of both genders and I know, I know, this post sounds like just another drop in the pan. But my new advice is about to make this all easier: Screw all the advice. Just live how you want.

I have tried it all: Wait at least four hours to text back, at least 24 hours to call back and sometimes just never respond at all and make him contact you again (after you have seemingly ignored him. Brilliant). Only answer texts with single words and make sure he is always the last one to respond. Don't let him know you're into him. Be a b*tch. Never accept any date less than three days in advance (which means you definitely don't see him last-minute). Never initiate contact OR plans. Always be the first one to hang up or end the date. Don't sleep with him for at least three months. Duty date (this means date a lot of guys at once -- especially when you're really into someone -- even if you don't like the guys you are "duty dating"). Stay detached... and the list goes on and on.

I have done all of these things at one point or another because I thought I was supposed to. And every time I have done them, it has felt manipulative and contrived. I felt like I was playing a game and trying to force an outcome. I felt it wasn't authentic -- it felt wrong and out of alignment with who I am, and -- surprise -- the times I did this with a guy I was seeing, it never actually grew into a relationship. Because I wasn't being myself.

But I'd like to talk about what being myself, regarding dating in particular, means. Because I have been beating myself up about it a lot lately. Recently, I had a strong intuitive feeling about a guy and invested myself and my emotions quickly (all the "rules" would say I invested way too quickly). Obviously, then, I didn't follow any of these aforementioned "rules." I believed his words and actions, believed the connection I felt, believed my intuition that told me this had the potential to be something special, that there is "just something about him..." So I followed my intuition and, as I do in all areas of my life, put myself out there and started to jump in with an open heart. But it turns out that apparently my intuition was incorrect, at least for now.

So I immediately started going to that dark place... spiraling downwards into the land of self-defeating thoughts: beating myself up for not following the "rules," thinking somehow that if I had followed them, it would have worked out between us and as a result, totally blaming myself for ruining what my intuition told me was supposed to be something great, feeling like an idiot for trusting it and investing too much too soon... But then I stopped, took a step back and starting looking at some things.

This intuition and being open to jumping in thing doesn't happen all the time with me and guys. It's not like my normal MO to just invest immediately in every guy I date. I casually date plenty of guys (but, to be honest, if I'm casually dating someone for any extended period of time, the truth is that I'm really not that into them because I'm just not wired like that). But after each time I have bravely followed my intuition in the love department and it hasn't worked out, I promise myself that no matter what I think I'm feeling or what my gut is telling me, next time it happens I will be disciplined, firm and keep my boundaries up and my heart protected. And each time, I fail at that... Oops, I guess I did it again.

But here's the thing I realized: All of the serious relationships and great loves I have had in my life started passionately and quickly. There was no casual, gradual dating building up to the discussion of whether or not we wanted to be exclusive. We were just together and wanted to be together. It was a given. It happened fast and it happened organically. We both jumped in because we both just knew. Every one of my serious relationships, which have lasted anywhere from one year to five years, happened this way; not by playing games or following the "rules" or being cautious. So, this is what I know. This is what I do. Should I beat myself up for that? Should I beat myself up for the fact that I am passionate, open, follow my intuition, and am willing to take risks, even if it means I don't follow any of the "rules?"

There's all this talk surrounding things we need to change about ourselves. I have tried to change many things about myself for many years, including how sensitive I am and how I may invest in a man or possible relationship too quickly with unabashed passion. And guess what? I haven't been able to change them. Certainly, I have been able to be aware of triggers, how I react to things and so forth. Those things I can change. But the other things? I think they are just me. I think they are part of my make-up. And I think in trying to change them, it causes me more damage, because all it's doing is affirming that something about who I inherently am is wrong.

I am intuitive... I am a healer, spiritual writer and teacher, actress... My intuition is what allows me to do those things. I rely on my intuition to make a living. So, if I feel intuitively about a man, am I just supposed to start ignoring it Am I supposed to trust my intuition in one area of my life but not the other? I get excited about things, am passionate and feel emotions very deeply... that allows me to express myself creatively and personally. But, am I supposed to allow that excitement, passion and deep feeling only in certain parts of my life? As a writer and actress, I have to put myself out there and take risks.In my writing, I share some very unflattering and embarrassing things about myself that are out there for the whole world to see... It's just what I do. But should I compartmentalize that part of myself and not put myself out there or take risks with dating and relationships?

SO, yes, when I have a good intuitive feeling about a man, I might open my heart too fast or invest too soon and want to dive in with open arms... but so what!? Whenever I have done this in the past, it has either become clear very quickly when it's not the right thing and I get to move on fast (usually in 4-12 weeks), or it has grown into a committed, long-term, deeply loving relationship. I have also learned from every one of these experiences. Therefore, maybe it wasn't that my intuition was wrong in guiding me to the short-lived ones. Maybe the intuition was simply there to lead me to a situation I needed for my own personal growth and transformation. Maybe it was to lead me to the opportunity to overcome and heal certain issues. And on an even bigger, deeper, spiritual level, sometimes I think my intuition has guided me towards dating a certain man solely for the purpose of helping him on his journey.

So, you know what? Something that I dove into guided by my intuition didn't work out... Who cares?! I came at it authentically, not trying to manipulate it with all these "rules," and as such, I trust the outcome. And, therefore, I can walk away with confidence. If I choose to operate in my life from a place of passion, with an open heart, following my intuition and a relationship or situation doesn't work out, it's OK. Because I have certainty that since I was authentic in my behavior, the way it turned out was authentic. I don't want to beat myself up anymore for just being who I am and living the way I live. Because living this way works for me. Dating this way works for me. It's who I am and I'm over trying to change it. And guess what? As long as it doesn't hurt others (or yourself), you are also allowed to live the way you want to, in every area of your life.

Does all the dating advice you're hearing and trying to follow not feel authentic to you? Are you sick of beating yourself up for being something you're not? Try an experiment. Why don't you just try being yourself and living (and dating) the way you want, and see how you feel. When you're authentic in the way you live your life, even when a relationship doesn't work out, you can feel confident in it. Because you were living your truth.

Dont Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

- Edgar A. Guest

Experience

I WAS NOT BORN EXPERIENCED
But
The Hard Realities,
Deceiving Natures,
Broken Promises,
Double Faces,
Attractive Words,
Melting Emotions,
Lovely Feelings,
Harsh Truths,
Bitter Behaviors,
Loving Attitude,
Ignoring Acts,
Multi Standards
& False Statements.
These All Taught Me
What Is Experience