A time comes in your life when you finally
get it...
When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you
stop dead in your tracks and somewhere, the voice
inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying, or struggling to hold on. And, like a child
quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder
once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet
lashes, you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening...
You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to
change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the
next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming
and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world, there aren't always
fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee
of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process,
a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will
always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are ... and that's
OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn
the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process, a
sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to
you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really
count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what
they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there
for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your
own and to take care of yourself and in the process, a sense of safety
& security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as
they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in
the process, a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around
you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained
into your psyche. You begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed
about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should
weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should
drive, how and where you should live and what you should do for a living,
who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance
of having and raising children or what you owe your parents. You learn
to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing
and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard
the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into
to begin with and in the process, you learn to go with your instincts.
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive and that there is
power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through
life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated
ideals of a by gone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation
upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything; it's not your job to save the
world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish
between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries
and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one
you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love,
how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You
learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You
learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable
or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your
name.
You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would
have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.
You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love; and
you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms, just
to make you happy.
You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You look in the mirror and come
to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10
and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing
over how you "stack up."
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing
things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement
are perfectly OK and that it is your right, to want things and to ask for
the things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness,
sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. You allow only the
hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his touch and in
the process, you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care
for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking
more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes
the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest.
Just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul; so you take more
time to laugh and to play.
You learn that for the most part in life, you get what you believe you
deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing
for something to happen, is different from working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction,
discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone
and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron
of all time; FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your
fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to
give in to fear, is to give away the right to live life on your terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a
cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't
always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen
to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you learn not to personalize
things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your
prayers; it's just life happening.
You learn to deal with evil in its most primal state; the ego. You learn
that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood
and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the
universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and
to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things
we take for granted; things that millions of people upon the earth can
only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm
bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself,
by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and
to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. You hang a wind
chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind, and you make it
a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful
possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take
a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want
to live as best as you can.
